Thursday, December 11, 2014

Stop Signs

We all know that when we pray, God has the option of saying "No," but that doesn't make it any easier. Today I got my no. One of the most stressful parts of my past month has been setting up my internship. I am finally on the verge of graduating, and setting up and completing my internship is a huge hurtle I have to overcome. The application process has been long and time-consuming, and has involved a lot of waiting. What I thought was an awesome internship opportunity that could help grow my career turned out to be not what the internship department had in mind.

There are two parts of my "no" that stink. One is that I spent an hour and a half this morning taking an extremely challenging psychology test that is required to take the class. Never before have I wanted to cry halfway through a test. I just wish I could have spared myself the stress.

The second part that stinks is that this could set my graduation date back. Those of you who spend a lot of time with me know how badly I want to graduate. College has been a struggle for me, not because of the challenge, but because I have a different balance in my life than most college students. I am already in my sixth year of college and I am definitely ready to be done.

I think a natural response that we as humans have when we hear "No" is "Why not?" We start reviewing our logic and decide that our plan was clearly well thought out and made perfect sense. Why would God not allow this to happen?

I'm trying not to be disappointed, but I am. However, as I was driving home from work today thinking about it, I had this really awesome, comforting thought. God said no because there is a bigger, better opportunity to glorify Him. When I think about it, everything in life ultimately comes down to glorifying God. We have opportunity in everything we do. I've heard several saying before about the dreaded no. Some people say, "When God closes one door He always leaves another door open," or "He obviously has something better in mind." I think those statements are a little too general. Sometimes God saying no can seem like a bad thing. I think about prayers about medical tests or layoffs. Sometimes when you pray for God to save you, He has something different in mind. I think in those circumstances we can bring more glory to God when we're sick or unemployed than if things had gone the way we wanted. God knows our hearts, He knows what it takes to make us more like Him. Sometimes He has to take away what we want most so that we begin to want Him more.

I'm trying to think about my no as a Stop sign. When you're driving and you come to a Stop sign, you have a couple of options. You can ignore the sign. You can continue driving straight, you can turn left, or you can turn right. You can even annoy the other drivers and attempt a u-turn right there. You can make a dangerous choice and pull out into traffic, or take the safe route and wait a while. You can do a rolling stop, hoping there are no cops nearby, or you can do the three-second stop that you're supposed to do. The one thing that nobody does, however, is stop the car, put it in park, turn off the car, get out and walk away. Stop signs are not to be taken completely literally. You don't stop driving indefinitely.

My no is a Stop sign. Is it annoying? Absolutely. I want that degree! But will it stop me? No way. Having an internship this Spring is completely out of the picture. I still have to research to see what my graduation timeline looks like now. I have to find a new internship that is more what the internship department would like. I have to figure out a way that will glorify God even more than my other internship would have. I'm not giving up, backing down, or getting out of this car. I'm keeping my eyes on Christ, thankful that my stress level this Spring will be a lot lower than it could have been. Whatever internship He has in mind, I'm going to do it with everything I have.

"So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

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