Open Water

You take life too seriously, Sarah.

As many of you might have read last post, things haven’t been rainbows and butterflies for me. When I wrote my last blog, I thought I was positive, maybe encouraging. Yet many of my friends and family asked me if everything is okay. So, let me clarify, yes I am okay. I am on the other side of my mountain.

After I posted my last post, I spent a lot of time praying. The number of questions I was asked after my post was a little eye opening. As I prayed, I felt God put something on my heart.

You take life too seriously, Sarah.

I started thinking about what the meant, taking life too seriously. After all, this is my only life and I don’t exactly get a redo if I mess this up. But…

You take life too seriously, Sarah.

I chewed on this a few days before God expanded on it this morning.

My mom, sisters and I are at the beach this weekend. It’s a girls’ weekend, a chance for us to get away from our responsibilities and focus on our own well-being. Because, let’s be honest, women tend to focus on everyone else first. So I spent some time on the beach reading Philippians. And I read about doing everything without grumbling (Phil. 2:14), rejoicing in the Lord always (Phil. 4:4), and not being anxious about anything (Phil. 4:6). Finally, I read about contentedness…

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want.” Phil. 4:12

I started thinking about contentedness, a lot. I started thinking about those waves in front of me, constantly crashing over and over again. And God placed this thought on my heart…

When we look at the ocean, we hear the waves, we see the waves. When we take pictures of the ocean we want pictures of the waves. But the truth is - the majority of the ocean doesn’t consist of waves. It is peaceful, blue water stretching into the only form of eternity our human minds can grasp. God didn’t create us to be the waves - violent, crashing, loud. He created us to be the ocean - quiet, calm, at peace. And while waves are a part of life, the waves aren’t life.

I felt God calling me towards calm waters, toward peace. I felt like l was caught in a rip tide, being pulled out into open water but clawing desperately at the sand to stay on shore, with the waves.

Let it go, Sarah.

Live, Sarah.

I’ve got you, Sarah.

The things that I’ve been stressed about – school, work, keeping our new house clean, keeping a healthy marriage – these are all good things. These are all blessings. But in my overwhelming seriousness, in my insistence to hold on to my own plan while saying I’m following God’s, I have lost the joy in the blessings.

The truth is I have no idea how to take life less seriously. I have no idea how to relax. I have no idea how to let go of things that feel big but really aren’t. But I want to. I want to let go of everything, live life one day at a time and be content with where I am. Maybe that’s the beginning.

When I was a kid my dad used to bring me out past the waves to the calm part of the ocean. I know it scared my mom to death, but I loved being out there beyond the waves and the craziness. The thing about going out into the calm ocean is that you first have to go through the rough part. You have to get past the violence, holding on to your bathing suit while trying to jump over waves that seem higher than they are. But it’s worth it. It was worth it then and it’s worth it now.

Guys, I don’t want to live in these waves anymore. I don’t want to keep getting smacked with water over and over again anymore. I don’t have to, and I don’t want to. I’m going in!