The "Now What?" Funk

Lately I've been coming to terms with a very real internal struggle I have. Sometimes, most of the time, I focus so much on the future that I forget to appreciate the moment. Here's what I mean. I've recently graduated from college and I am itching for a "career." A big girl job. Something without the stigma of working in a restaurant. In my desperation I have been grasping at straws, trying to find a way to make a career out of anything. I want to wear my hair down. I want to choose what I wear to work. I want to be able to take a sick day and not feel guilty for making everyone else's job harder. Pretty much everything that isn't what I'm currently doing has looked tempting at some point.  My search for a career (whether with Chick-fil-A or not) has left me frustrated to the point of tears. I've allowed my stray thoughts to go there time and time again. When I have a hard day I work, I dream of something else. And somewhere along the way, the frustration overtook the dreaming. That's when I started to lose who I am.

I thought I was unique in my struggle, but it turns out I'm not all that special. Tons of recent college graduates are in the same boat. In high school, we worked hard to keep up our grades for college. In college, we worked hard to stay awake in class to get a passing grade. Now, out of college, it's time to find a job, right? We've got college degrees but no one willing to interview us thanks to our sparse resumes. We've got dreams bigger than we can stand and no one to give us a chance. Our passion outscores our track record and no one is ready to take us seriously. I call it the "Now What?" funk.

I've read that my generation, those who grew up in the 90's, is the most nostalgic generation. I tend to agree. When you look at the advancement of technology throughout our childhood and teenage years, it seems as though more time passed than what actually did. When I was a young child I barely had any technology in my life at all. I remember when my parents brought home our first computer. I believe I was five. At that time the only game we could play on the computer was "paint."   Very quickly my world expanded as we got computer games, then the Internet, then eventually Gameboys and later gaming consoles that hooked up to the TV. Then cell phones, tablets, and now I want a smart watch! Even though it's been a short 20 years since I've had technology in my life, those screen-free days feel decades away. Oh, the nostalgia. 

Millennials around the country are struggling with this same "Now What?" funk that I am. Somehow subconsciously we became consumers of life, terrified of missing out on anything. When I was a teenager not having a cell phone made me feel like an outcast. Now, as a young adult, not having a career makes me feel like an outcast. It's almost like my life is just stalling until I catch up. Somewhere along the way I began to fear that I was missing out on something. Even though I know "careers" aren't any different than my current job, and that every job has its pros and cons, I can't help but long for something different. Not because I'm indecisive or impatient - on the contrary, I desperately want somewhere to settle down and work my way up. I want to put in the hard work, I just don't want to waste my time either.

If you're a millennial, desperately grasping for a life that is just beyond your reach, know two things. First, know that you're not alone. You're not missing out. There are thousands, perhaps millions of people wondering around trying to figure life out. Not having a career, a spouse, or a house doesn't mean you're behind the game. If you got everything figured out first thing, you'd spend years unsatisfied and unchallenged. Live for today. Enjoy the moment. I know, I know, much easier said than done. It's okay to search for options that will take you to the next step in life, but don't let your emotions get involved. Don't worry. When I find myself anxious about the future, I force myself to think the opposite. I've started asking myself, "What would make today awesome?" It's a question that's just about now. It reminds me that today is just as important as tomorrow.

Second, I want you to know that this moment in your life means something. This moment is important, too. This frustration, this confusion, it is all important to who you become. Don't discount it, accept it. Don't wish it away - embrace it. God knows your heart. He hears your prayers. He understands your frustrations and He cares about you enough to let you work through this. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that there is a time for everything, and this is included! There is a time to search for who you are, and it's okay. So look, but don't let your heart betray you by loving something else more than what you already have. Enjoy your lack of responsibilities. Enjoy not having to worry about a washing machine breaking down. Enjoy not finding child's food in your hair. Enjoy the option of sleeping in, of weekend trips, of going out to dinner with friends! Search and grow, but don't discount where you are!

"All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you."

Psalm 38:9

A Note to my Coworkers

Friends, please don't read this post and think that I don't enjoy my time with you. I love working at CFA! I love our giant CFA family! My search for a career really has nothing to do with my current job. It has to do with who I want to be in life, how I want to support my family one day. It has to do with what I want to do long-term. I'm just not sure that I want to be Drive-thru Director forever, ya know? I did get this nice, expensive degree, right? I'm still interested in pursuing CFA as a career as an operator, but I'm just not sure that it's what I really want. I'm not sure that I want it bad enough to let go of other opportunities, when I don't know what it's like to work anywhere else. I'm not going to leave you guys unless it's something that I really, really want to do. I won't make any decisions without prayer and counsel. You guys will always be like family to me!